Outside influence

I used to live healthy so to say, i used to work out, run, hike, try to be physically as fit as possible and I was getting desperate because i was not getting as muscular as I wanted to. I had many diets but in more than a year my weight remained the same. At first I used to eat mainly meat, then mainly dairy products, after what I found out that animal proteins and fats are not good for us I tried to eat only whey and cereals, then just legumes and my body finally refused to accept it and did just the opposite of what I intended to. I thought that mybody would be grateful that I live so healthy but problems with digestions came instead. My mind was so preocupied about what is healthy and what is not that I forced myself to eat what I heard somewhere that is healthy. I tried to eat gradually everything that is healthy, i mean which i at that time belived that is healthy. I thought about food all the time and when it was long time since I had yogurt I immiediately bought it because it is healthy, or not? The meaning of life, at least my life is not to be preocupied about being healthy. All these healthy receipes are only fears that I try to bury and keep hidden. By believeing that something is healthy, I keep myself in a belief that this is a guarantee of health, which is of course false. I just tried to avoid dealing with fear by believeing these scientists and nutrition experts. Finally, I came to a revealing conclusion> it is all lies. We are all independent and unique persons and there is nothing that really makes you healthy. The only piece of advice I can give is to fuck everything and just live as you like. Pardon my language but after so long a spell of living in a lie I got really fucked up and depressed by the bodily problems that appeared although I did >everything< to keep myself fit. There is not really a reason to do things that one does not like because one believes that they are right. The only right things is to do what my body tells me to do. If i líke eating meat, then I should eat meet and my body profits from it. If i get fat then I see than my body does not profit from it and I must change my life style because I cannost honestly say that eating so much is good for me. If I like milk then I should just ignore everything they say about milk, how healthy or unhealthy it is and just live. If I like to smoke, then I should do it because feeling good is anyway better than refraining from everything that is pleasurable. On the other hand, I must always listen to my conscience and not be a prisoner of ones mind. If i like eating, overeating, then I cannot trully say to myself that I do a good thing. Listening to others about what is healthy and unhealthy is equally evil as listening to my ego and my body desires, it is keeping us in the menageries that I write so often about. We are keeping ourselves in a menageries if we listen to others about what is healthy and what is not because we are fearful and look for some certainty outside and not inside in our hearts. On the other hand I can be kept in a menagerie if I keep myself to be controlled by my body desires, be it overeating , sexuality etc. Then I also am in a cage and act and perform not according to my conscience but according to what i am told. We are all independent and unique creatures. We are not controlled by anybody and anything. Our acts are not determined by genes, upbringing or microbes that we have in our organs. We are naturaľy influenced by outside, but how much we are influenced, how much we let outselves to be influenced from outside that is only our choice, our free choice.

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