last months I had some health problems and was thinking what is Gods will actually when someone is ill. The more I am getting better now that more I realize that the life itself is really not the meaning of our lives. the healthier I am getting the more I hope to die as a good person, which may sound paradoxical. our destiny is not really to survive as longas possible. if when I am healthy still know about my mortality, then I am on a good way. if I feel sick and know that I am going to die, then this is a natural state of things. if i feel good and still know that this is only a temporary state here, then it is good because i virtually say that although everything goes right, then I am prepared for gods will. i also wonder why people pray for being healthy? i think it is natural and good to pray for my welfare, but is my welfare really Gods will? my perspective my be very different from Gods I would say. there is nothing objectively wrong, nothing that comes from the outside. the only objectively wrong thing is our wrong decision. we know for ourselves whether we choose to follow our conscience or rather our ego. i do not say that i am ready to suffer under some illnes or that i would like to die, not at all. on the other hand it is good to know that we are here only visitors, we may leave it any time and noone will warn us. it is reasonable to be ready to follow Gods will and be ready to do things that I may not like. out decision to follow Him is the only thing that is important in the life. our choice to be with Christ under all circumstances
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