wait or hurry?
I sometimes ask myself whether it is better in an intimate relationship learn to know each other as fast as possible in as most as possible situations or whether it is better to first get to used to know each other in situations we are both comfortable with and after that venture to more dangerous areas. on one hand, there is no time to lose, on the other, there is not a reason to hurry. first point of view is to not lose time and do everything from the beginning in order to get to learn the other part in the situations that might be critical for future mutual understanding and being. this approach usually adapt the thirty plus who usually have gone through some relationships already and know what is important for them on the partner they have and want to know as soon as possible whether the important features of ones character are in the other part or not. This is understandable, on the other hand, one then stays in learnt ways of courting and may not see other characteristics the other has. maybe even more important than those that were once preferred. the other approach is usually with those who are young and infatuated and do not think so much about the future. this approach is typical for those who are easily influenced and formed. until one is thirty, I do not want to generalize, this is my experience, then one is to be formed much easier than after thirty, or after some relationships. this approach is treacherous in the way that one does not seek to see what one really wants in the other part but rather accepts the other the way he or she is. this is arguably good but to pursue a real functioning relationship we need to reach a synthesis of both. on one hand, one should know what one wants from the other but should not dwell on everything, because there is nothing like a perfect person for anyone. on the other, one should not alleviate ones needs for the other person too much. If one knows that one likes travelling a lot and the other hates it, or that one want to pursue a carreer and the other have children as soon as possible, then it may be very difficult to fulfill a mutual happiness in such a relationship. maybe then it is time to overcome the former infatuation and logically decide that it is not possible for them to be together, because the infatuation is only a beginning, or an end, not the future. the future is as I so often say the choice. Marriage is not natural for us as human beings, it is not natural for us from the atavistic perspective and yet we may be happy in it but only as long as we overcome our bodily functions of chemistry of infatuation and focus on the aspect that distinguishes us from animals, on the aspect of choice where the possibility for happiness or unhappiness dwells.
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