some thoughts on romantic relationships
in this entry I would like to focus on some issues about romantic relationship that crossed my mind. First is the idea of sex either prior to marriage or after it and why I think that it is good to pursue this goal not only because of religions reasons. first of all I must admit that this topic is very heated any time I discuss it with non-religious people, nevertheless, even my non-religious collegues and friends admit after relevant discussion points and arguments that there is something to it. I think that in order to keep this issue plausible and meaningful one has to accept this paradoxically not because of some religious prescripts but because one really wants it. Why until now from the time I understood the meaning of waiting with sexual intercourse until marriage has noone convinced me that it is useless is the fact that all the arguments about sex prior to marriage were virtually based on ones ego desier to check the partner out. Maybe it is good to know how it feels to be in bed with the other, but I am strongly inclined to say that sex, although very important part of any funcitioning relationships should not be overestimated. ask one question, if everything in the relationship works and sex would not, would you break up? if the answer is affirmative, then maybe this relationships was not at all about elements that are vital for a deep relationship between two people but maybe more about carnal pleasure. by saying this I do not want to say that sex is not important, on the contrary. I think that if everything else works just fine, one may be sure that sex shall be good as well just because when one loves the other one, one loves the other accepting everything and thus one must not be afraid about thinking whether one will be good in be or not because true love is unconditionally accepting.
If the relationships does not work, one usually changes ones approach. The party that does not feel good in the relationships may be either too passive, but also to active to compensate for ones not feeling inclined to pursue the relationshis further. in any relationships there may come a moment when one does not feel sure about mutual being, nevertheless, such moments might be overcome when these two people communicate with each other and open honestly ones hearts to each other. i think that it is natural to feel lonely in also a well working relationship. i do not think that it must inevitably be a sign of end and until it gets serious it might not even be a topic to discuss. on the other hand, the two people should be open to each others feelings and must feel secure in sharing the thoughts. if one does not feel save to talk about it, then one may do things to compensate for the insecurity to attract the other. such signals are as I said above unusual activity or passivity. usually women try to attract the man in this way. anything out of ordinary may sign a problem, any problem. I believe that not all relationships are destined to be for a life time. some, and probably most of them are here for us to learn from them to be better in the future, in the one relationships that we should keep for our lifetimes. then, if such ending is inevitable, we may not spot any signal of activity or passivity and when one feels secure to talk about it, then we know right away what the partner goes through without wasting time with by discering the digressions that partner thinks up because we do not let him or her to talk about it straight.
another idea that crossed my mind is that after a relationship ends and the couple splits up, is to good to stay in touch as friends, and is it even possible? one one hand, I think it is good to break up as two rational adult beings and disucss these things logically. on the other , love is not only logic and I think that the argument against being friends right after the end of a relationship is that in a really deep relationship there is not any space for anything else than a full mutual submission one to the other , total, absolute union. such b ond has nothing more, nothing else. in a friendship there is always room for something more. I think that couples that split up and are able to be friends right after that were meant to be friends, rather than lovers. same among friends, who are able to share everything and also give each other to the other are meant to be lovers, not only friends. the man-woman unity is not something different than friendship, it is something more, it is superior to any other relationship. if you have a friend with whom you understand more than just like a friend, it is natural to let it grow into a love relationship, that is why friendship is below love. love is what we subconsciously strive for the most, at least most of us. we do not let ourselves be satisfied with friendship when we feel that there is potential for more.
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