What is jealousy
I heard a story from a collegue that told me that once her husband started doing night shifts, she started to be very upset and nervous about it. He started working in a sheltered housing where he had night shifts with other woman colleagues and she was anxious whether there is not a possibility of him cheating on her. I asked myself how come that these feelings arise. It is of course natural that these thoughts come up but what is the impetus for these thoughts? I realized that the more one thinks about the adultery of the partner, the more is either dependent on him or her or the more oneself thinks about cheating. there are of course other factors not less important like trust, mutual understanding, sharing and so on, but I think that the intrinsic bend towards a certain asset of human behaviour in oneself is also seen in others. it may be either something one has, or something on deficits. The latter option is more frequent I think. What I do not possess I usually want others to have. FOr example when one is not calm and composed usually want others to be so that one gains the composure from them. We also envy people that have what we do not have or what we do not have so much developed. hatred is basically misunderstanding or envy. The impulse to hate someone is either something I really do not like about the one but also the fact that he has something better than me. something to envy. these issues stem very often from misunderstanding – the one, or onself. on the other hand, when one thinks about the partner as a potential cheater, then one also is afraid of oneself cheating on the partner. If one knows about the possibility of adultuery but does not take it seriously (I do not say condescendingly) but with intrinsic trust towards the one, then one should not be afraid of it. when one takes the possibility of adultery seriously although one does not have objective reasons to feel so (misunderstanding, problems in communication, reproaches, accusations) then there is a possiblity that the one also has the will or impetus to cheat hidden somewhere beneath the surface. relationships of any kind must be build on mutual trust and openess to discuss even these uncomfortable topics otherwise the space for misunderstanding and possible conflicts increases.
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