self-evaluation and acceptance

Who am I?

I have been wondering lately about self consciousness, more precisely about the ability to be consciouss about one self and to evaluate ones traits and characteristics. this kind of self evaluation is I think very beneficial for one but on the other hand, is not it a bit of blasphemy against God to think His creation good, bad, better or worse in some ways? I think that the greatest fear of our lives is to accept who we are, accept the value of ourselves and admit that what we lack, where we do not like ourselves, in weakness of body or mind we are not imperfect by nature but by our choice. we should be ready to accept what we cannot change in ourselves but we should always bear in mind that it is not something faulty of Him, but rather our inability to accept it. if we choose to change it nevertheless, we should always distinguish between what we can change for better and what cannot be changed, here we should walk away from it. Our perception of ourselves shall never be perfect. maybe we are fortunate to be unable to know everything. many thing, maybe everything is based on our faith. even such fundamental issue as Gods presence is based on belief. I believe that I believe in God, but that is all I know. maybe it is good that I cannot know for sure, it is not because God would not want us to know, but that we would not be able to bear such knowledge. From other point of view, we may say that we are supposed to be strong and big. Nietzsche says that we should strive to be superhumans, demigods, not humble subhumans. can there be a synthesis of these two views? i personally see an immense strength in being both humble in front of God and even in front of myself because I myself bear God within me, this Gods trait in ourselves is what should be the mighty and imposing feature sought by ourselves. what is also incredibly important is that the greatest enemy is in me as well. the good and evil in ourselves is in a constant struggle. the Nietzsches view of demigod in ourselves that should confront God is I think the evil idea of ego, not power to supress ego and evil in ourselves. if I think that I can be as powerful as God, I am mistaken because I already am, God created be as strong as I should be and the acceptance of Gods power over me is the idea of strong humbleness. if I try to confront Him instead of seeing God as the Father that wants to help us, I feed the ego. this does not have to be in a disonance, I may and should feel strong even in acceptance of God as stronger than me. God is not the enemy we should fight but join in the battle against Evil, and in most cases against ourselves because what comes into us from the outside is not detrimental, only what comes out of us.


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