some thoughts on romantic relationships

some thoughts on romantic relationships
in this entry I would like to focus on some issues about romantic relationship that crossed my mind. First is the idea of sex either prior to marriage or after it and why I think that it is good to pursue this goal not only because of religions reasons. first of all I must admit that this topic is very heated any time I discuss it with non-religious people, nevertheless, even my non-religious collegues and friends admit after relevant discussion points and arguments that there is something to it. I think that in order to keep this issue plausible and meaningful one has to accept this paradoxically not because of some religious prescripts but because one really wants it. Why until now from the time I understood the meaning of waiting with sexual intercourse until marriage has noone convinced me that it is useless is the fact that all the arguments about sex prior to marriage were virtually based on ones ego desier to check the partner out. Maybe it is good to know how it feels to be in bed with the other, but I am strongly inclined to say that sex, although very important part of any funcitioning relationships should not be overestimated. ask one question, if everything in the relationship works and sex would not, would you break up? if the answer is affirmative, then maybe this relationships was not at all about elements that are vital for a deep relationship between two people but maybe more about carnal pleasure. by saying this I do not want to say that sex is not important, on the contrary. I think that if everything else works just fine, one may be sure that sex shall be good as well just because when one loves the other one, one loves the other accepting everything and thus one must not be afraid about thinking whether one will be good in be or not because true love is unconditionally accepting.

If the relationships does not work, one usually changes ones approach. The party that does not feel good in the relationships may be either too passive, but also to active to compensate for ones not feeling inclined to pursue the relationshis further. in any relationships there may come a moment when one does not feel sure about mutual being, nevertheless, such moments might be overcome when these two people communicate with each other and open honestly ones hearts to each other. i think that it is natural to feel lonely in also a well working relationship. i do not think that it must inevitably be a sign of end and until it gets serious it might not even be a topic to discuss. on the other hand, the two people should be open to each others feelings and must feel secure in sharing the thoughts. if one does not feel save to talk about it, then one may do things to compensate for the insecurity to attract the other. such signals are as I said above unusual activity or passivity. usually women try to attract the man in this way. anything out of ordinary may sign a problem, any problem. I believe that not all relationships are destined to be for a life time. some, and probably most of them are here for us to learn from them to be better in the future, in the one relationships that we should keep for our lifetimes. then, if such ending is inevitable, we may not spot any signal of activity or passivity and when one feels secure to talk about it, then we know right away what the partner goes through without wasting time with by discering the digressions that partner thinks up because we do not let him or her to talk about it straight.

another idea that crossed my mind is that after a relationship ends and the couple splits up, is to good to stay in touch as friends, and is it even possible? one one hand, I think it is good to break up as two rational adult beings and disucss these things logically. on the other , love is not only logic and I think that the argument against being friends right after the end of a relationship is that in a really deep relationship there is not any space for anything else than a full mutual submission one to the other , total, absolute union. such b ond has nothing more, nothing else. in a friendship there is always room for something more. I think that couples that split up and are able to be friends right after that were meant to be friends, rather than lovers. same among friends, who are able to share everything and also give each other to the other are meant to be lovers, not only friends. the man-woman unity is not something different than friendship, it is something more, it is superior to any other relationship. if you have a friend with whom you understand more than just like a friend, it is natural to let it grow into a love relationship, that is why friendship is below love. love is what we subconsciously strive for the most, at least most of us. we do not let ourselves be satisfied with friendship when we feel that there is potential for more.


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Is it sensible to live in the present?

Is it sensible to live in the present?
I am thinking about whether there is a kind of reason to think about past or future. As I grow older I see more and more that present is what we are endowed with and that future will look as good as we live the present. It is of course sensible to think about future and be instructed by the past, but in the end only present moment is what we may influence. In intimate relationships it is natural that when one wants to build a true, stabil and lasting relationship one tries to think into the future as much as possible or wants to avoid the mistakes from the past. thisis of course benefitial for both parties but one should not be overwhelmed and preocupied with something that one is not able to influence. Past is gone and delving into it in cycles does not really help. Future is something that we may or may not influence but there is definitely not a point to keep oneselves fully devoured by it. There is a saying that if you want to make God laughing, tell Him your plans. One should not take it too seriously and there is definitely a need for future prospects in any relationships, but how can I know that the prospects is what God has in store for us? I do not want to sound pessimistic, but I think that there is a great wisdom in living the present moment and leaving all the rest for Him, who is the only one that can truly influence it.


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Surrending to Gods will

Surrending to Gods will
Complicated issues may have an easy outcome once we let the problem solve itself. I am not an advocator of letting problems go or ignore, but the other extreme is to get cycled in some kind of hypothetical solution and be totally immersed in something that may not have an outcome, at least something we may not be ableto influence. we humans have the ability to think things and deal with them and I think that it is our way of life. on the other hand,there is a great wisdom in the ability to stop dealing with things and let them go. Having said this, I need also to clarify that letting things go is meant in a way that one shows ones humbleness, in spiritual term one gives ones trust to God and let Him to deal with the issue. It is also very important to say that leaving things to God is not avoiding ones duties. God loves us and if we let ourselves under His control, then we may not be afraid of anything. Nevertheless, He have us our bodies so that we also try to do things alone. this does not mean that He does not want to help us. He is here for us all the time, but what we should do alone, He shall not do for us. Our leaving issues to God should not be alibism. It must be a very deep dedication to God and to his Love. it is the ability that one stops being cycled in some kind of problem without solution and leaves it to Him. This is the wisdom I am talking about.


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Love vs infatuation

Love vs infatuation
I was thinking about why people commit adultery. I think that until a husband acts like a lover, affectuate and everything, than a woman has no desire to find a lover because she has both, a husband and a lover. in an intimate relationship, even in old age we need both. the spontaneous infatuation we experience at the beginning of any relationship and also the stabilty that we experience during or after some time in a relationship. men think mistakenly that once they are with the girl, then do not have a reason to show affection towards her again. this is a false belief. a woman needs to know that she is adored by the man. if he only says it to her than it is the first step in showing her affection and not giving her a reason to find a lover. on the other hand, we need to be seduced by the first impulses of intatuation in any relationship. the beginnings are not what follows. we should realize even at the beginning of the relationships that infatuation shall not last for ever, which is to say that one cannot build a lasting and stable relationship just on mutual affection. nevertheless, mutual afection is needed in the relationship in order to return to the fond memories we had together once the stormy days come. it is good to keep in infatuation as long as possible and i think that with a bit of luck one may keep it for a life time. now we got to what is really important, not only in relationship but in life as well. it is the reasonable choice and not a rash decison. we are sentient beings . we need to make decisions not based on animal or atavistic desire-and infatuation is such a one- but based on the pros and contras of the current situation. even in romance there is a need for rational thinking. by thinking rationally one does not diminish love. right the opposite. infatuation is basically a lie. it is here in order to not let humans extinct. infatuation is for most people a sexual energy, which is of course correct and there is nothing wrong about it, yet if we want to build a lasting relationship, which is, lets face it, unnatural among other beings, then we also need to accept that only infatuation is not enough. in order to build love, infatuation is I think indispensable, sexual energy is vital in any intimate relationships, otherwise, it would not be an intimate relationship, nevertheless it is not everything. we also need other aspect to be present if we want it to last longer than just for the time enough to create posterity. such aspects are in my view honesty, uprightness, ability to compromise, moral approach, communication, ability to lead a dialogue, virtue of listening as opposed to always talking and many others. love is one word but many characteristics, we do not need to posses all of them, we should rather find those that we consider important and these should we cultivate. nevertheless, we should not forget that my view of love is always inevitably too narrow and that love, although one word, has a neverending list of shapes.


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Devil inside

Devil inside
I saw a guy in the public transport with this inscription on his t-shirt. I thought to myself why would someone have this on? let us ignore the adolescence desire to be special, to show that one is not a good boy but a rebel and let us think about whether someone may want to look evil intentionally and logically. I imagine the tought bikers may want to look evilish but this is only a kind of style or subculture they show thus affiliation with. can someone be really evil, eg.do intentional evil? definitely it is possible. we all have choice to do either good or evil. nevertheless it is terribly important to acknowledge that we can distinguish between good and evil, in other words judge between good and evil and also the quality of ones life only in ones measures-ones own. I can never judge anyone else than myself, that is the vital and essential thing. we may discuss that this behaviour, for example beating ones children is evil but we may never judge the person that it does. we may renounce the act, talk about it to the person but not with the moralistic approach but rather with dialogue. we may even be obliged to help the children and take them from their parent that hurts them if we consider the situation so serious but it is virtually impossible and evil in its way to talk about someone as absolutely evil or doomed. there may be something good in any act and what is more important, a person that does such a thing may have also been beaten in ones childhood and may consider it right-and it may be beneficial in a way although we generally today disagree with physical punishments. it is all a dialogue, let us never forget that people have different purposes, pasts, upbringing and so it is impossible to claim that some behaviour from my perspective is evil. it is necessary to see it through the prism of the person who does it in order to understand full why the person does it. this is inevitably impossible and thus we should never tend to judge anyone but rather try to lead a dialogue whenever we consider some behaviour evil.


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true self is about choice and not something given

https://theconversation.com/is-there-such-a-thing-as-a-true-self-81817

I read this article and I cannot but agree. people are not evil because they were born that way, nor good. it is all about choice as I cannot stress enough. the article is about self assesment, about what people consider the true self and the respondens do consider as their self their moral values, virtues and such things. in other words things that they had to choose for, not inherently given aspects as beauty, iq and so on. if we live in the menagerie of what others say to us that is important-eg. the above mentioned iq or physical beauty, then we shall never find the true self that we as people inevitably seek. i would even say that it is our entelechy to find the true self. for me, generally the true self is the choice, the choice to do good. we may be born anyhow but the true self is what we do with what we were endowed with. after this proposition it must be clear that concepts like blood, race, beauty and iq, things that we did not choose to have are irrelevant for who we really are.


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should my body influence me?

should my body influence me?
I wonder whether if one does not feel good physically it is better to say to others so that they leave one alone or whether it is better to play a good mood. I think that both approaches, a mix of both approaches is necessary. On one hand it is good to be honest to others and not pretend that I feel differently from what I really feel, on the other hand the bodily functions should not influence my ego. I may feel entitled to play grumpy when I do not feel well and ignore all other and everything else, or I may let other know that I do not feel well if they are interested but nevertheless I may try to act as politely as possible. My ego my tell me that I am the most important in the world and that when I do not feel well, others should acknowledge it and leave me alone. I may be right in the fact that others including myself must respect the natural flow of things and also of our bodies . on the other hand we should not be led into the menagerie of our bodies. It is much more better to overcome ones ego and body and not let be influenced, if possible, by it. if the people aroud see that I do not feel well but yet I try to do as much as possible for the mutual project we work on, then they will probably respect me much more and even may use it in their own lives.


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