how automatic should the reciprocity in relationships be?
i do something automatically because I know that the partner will appreciate it. not because of the praise of my ego, but to show her my love and affection, caring and the fact that I want her to feel good and be happy. I do it because I know that she knows that I love her and that she will acknowledge it. I do not count how many times I did something and how many times she did something for me or how many times I or she paid when we ate out. I dont virtually care about reciprocity. intimate relationships require honesty and openess on both sides. trust is the most important because only through trust we can be opened to the other party. i show affection and I do not want to be calculative because I openly and trustingly believe that the reciprocity is there in the relationships and that I do not need to keep track of how much time, energy money or so I invested into the relationship. on the other hand i care about whether she takes it automatically and shows her love too or whether she takes is automatically and does not appreciate it-the reciprocity is broken then. so paradoxically I need the reciprocity but at the same time I do not want to know how much of the stuff she does for me because once the trust is in the relationships then one does not need to think about how much one does for the partner because one believes that one can be opened and does not need to worry about it. such trust is the most beautiful thing and I even think that it is the most of the whole concept of love. maybe that is the reason why people enter relationships-that they can open themselves to others and does not need to worry about the outcome of it. nevertheless, the trust must also be reciprocial- once I trust someone that I can to to the one absolutely about everything then also the other party must trust me. otherwise the one who discloses more would feel betrayed because the trust that the one showed was not met with trust from the other party and then the process would be inhibited or stopped totally.
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