the purpose of angriness

I would like to focus on the discrepancy between one expectations and reality. it happens very often, maybe most of the time that reality is different from what we had thought it might have been. natural reaction to these events is usually anger, sometimes depression. let’s look at anger more closely. if you take the stages of Kubler-Ross that describe reaction on the knowledge of having an illness (anger ,denial, depression, bargaining,acceptance) we see that anger in the first place is very common. i do not think that it is necessary to trying to avoid wrath or even aggression as something that should be avoided, tabooed or refrained from experiencing. i think that when we try to ignore that natural nature of anger, then we are prone to experience it in form of aggression because if ignored it comes to us like a boomerang. i think we need to do both-accept anger but does not let it grow into destructive behaviour. the first stage is acceptance-this has a therapeutic effect. we accept the person with all its plus and contras. with ones bright and dark sides. it is same like with children. they need to know that they can show all their emotions, that they are understood and in a safe surrounding but also they need to know the limits-that it cannot grow the anger into damaging things or hurting people around. the parents are often despondent that their children is aggressive, but it only needs to know that it can show its anger and then paradoxically, it usually stops doing it-the knowledge that something is accepted in case of occurrence is usually enough and the occurrence itself does not and should not occur. in all relationships, we should not seek the partner (child, husband-wife, friend) as someone who is either good or bad, who has merits and demerits and once one or the other category prevails we either are in contact with the one or not. this counting in a relationships is detrimental and such vision of relationships is a mere illusion. one should not be blind if the partner abuses the one, but if we like the partner only when we see advantages in the relationships, then we shall never fulfill the true nature of dedication and love- be it any relationship. take it vice versa- once i become sick or need help, the partner would see me as a burden, not support and would leave me- if the couple or pair would follow such hedonistic attitude. i think that in intimate relationships the similarity of opinions, job or hobbies is not as important as mutual understanding and the conviction to stay true to the partner whatever comes and difficulties notwithstanding. the problem emerges when one from the couple wants to give the true love but the other wants to only take what the relationships offers, not give from oneself. then again we need to fight our preconceived notions about relationships but should also be ready to go into confrontation. truth is a difficult thing and any relationships is worth living only through suffering and overcoming obstacles. i do not think that all relationships must be painful, nevertheless, I think that without pain there can be no gain. it also must be said, that once I get angry with anyone, it is vital and essential to talk about it with the person, I remember my mom being angry with me when I was a child and after what she got calmer, I was still said and afraid of coming to her although she was already reconciled with me and my worries were unnecessary. being angry is not a bad thing. pursuing angriness and wallowing in it is detrimental. self reflexion about why I got angry and the capability to say sorry and make an atonement with other and most important with oneself is the most vital thing

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